1. |
Adjustment
03:09
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The rain has come again
but I still feel the warmth
Traded snow for mud
and unfamiliar crossings
All the prep work comes to light,
With shadowed pockets
I have to push myself again
or end up lonely.
Old friends may guide the way
Hospitality portrayed through foreign action
So speak up now, or lose yourself to your old ways-
Confuse another, feel the shame.
Commit to traits, rebuild yourself
Community is what you need
Confuse another, feel the shame
Commit to traits, rebuild yourself.
I am you as you are me,
Through shouting streets and busy feet
Commit to traits, rebuild yourself
Commit to traits, rebuild yourself.
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2. |
Burn
02:07
|
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Burn
from within
No outer light to guide you
consumed and lives inside you
Lost
In the dark
Hides itself in conversations
Feeding you a version deemed more credible,
comprehendible,
neurotypical,
Valid.
Observe the water, see myself
Observe the flower, see myself
I see my lungs among the trees
I see my pain, I see my ease
Because I burn
I consume,
I find my path through darkness,
form anew
Because I burn,
All consumed
Nothing’s really changing
And there’s nothing really new.
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3. |
Dry Sobbing
03:17
|
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Dry sobbing in my room
cause I haven’t talked for days
and if I haven’t talked, then
The World might not exist
and if it don’t, nor do I.
Instruments represent
The people who make them
And I represent myself.
Music and people
Inherently intertwined,
and that’s why I’m never alone.
But my ukulele only says what I want to hear
And it only speaks if I am capable of making it sound
Not a conversation but a supported monologue
Of a close friend, who wants you to do well
A close friend, remembering details of your life
Maybe I should go outside
Go up to a stranger, say, “Hi,
I’m from a different country,
And I’m feeling quite alone….
Can I make you a meal, so I will eat too..?”
No... Ok, bye.!
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4. |
Filling My Time
03:13
|
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I don’t know where I’m gonna go
When I leave my flat today
Grocery shopping on my own
Gets a little lonesome in due time
And I’m getting
a little shaggy ‘round the edges
And I’m finding
the help I need is hard to ask for.
It’s nice to think that I’ll rebuild
Instead of laying catatonic in bed
Think I’ll get new jeans today
But soon the sun’ll set so I should stay
Indoors
I won’t know my way around.
And I’m getting
All my anxiety-
Inaction!
Unchallenged, therefore, circumventing.
I will learn to fill my time,
Honing skills to fulfil me
Lazy, and so active, still
Throw on a show and stay in bed all day.
And I’m learning
a little more of my surroundings
And I’m dreading
leaving it behind to start again
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5. |
In Between
02:31
|
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In between friend groups
And I’m in between times,
Roaming new environments
Un-destined to be mine
Try a new thing out and find it’s not for me
Two friends is all, it seems, I need to make me happy
And I won’t be returning any texts, I’m afraid
As the only thing that makes me happy
Is my disconnected days
And I am a ball of static energy
Craving release
And I feel the sun and come alive
In the Barber Building’s basement
I find myself
and clarify all my messy ties.
Unravel all that’s been done,
And live in the undefined.
And while I’m in between,
I find a new complacency
And I might just be happy
In the grey.
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6. |
Wait.
02:23
|
|||
Wait,
One by one as we’re all picked off.
Introduce yourself, Uncertainty, to me
I watch so still I cannot breath
As I question my own fate
Eugenics by another name
Is still the same, in deed.
Wait,
The news arrives at two
At some point I will close my eyes and know what I must do.
But until then,
I’ll read the same messages over again
And until then,
I’ll blink back my tears as I notify friends.
Wait,
One by one as we’re all picked off
And settled in uncertainty
Is me
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7. |
Your Humanity
01:52
|
|||
When I arrived early
I heard you from the bar
A whispered voice, then you approach me,
And a handshake seals our night.
I was amazed how normal it felt-
Given the environment of uncertainty
As you paced around the bar, I joked and laughed
As I began
To process your humanity
To process your humanity
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8. |
Soho
02:12
|
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On our way to Soho we stopped on a bridge,
You took my picture and that’s all I have
To remember a life I once lived.
Feeling comfortable with those surrounding me,
I put my skills to the test
And came back victorious.
It didn’t seem as important as I thought it might do
And I didn’t think that I’d even recognize you,
And I don’t know if I’d have even thought about it still
If it wasn’t the last time I saw so many people.
Record on record,
I felt so tired.
So we went back, I bought coffee
Rested up for a few hours then went,
Complete the night, bought a cup of tea
Complete the night,
Wander aimlessly.
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9. |
Red Brick
02:38
|
|||
Round the corner, grab my bag
A tall building and a billboard, wait for-
Red brick, a sign
Then anxiety settles in.
I never meant to exclude you.
I never meant to stay so long.
And when the night was over,
I know, I felt it too.
I’m sorry.
I came preloaded with anxiety today,
Left over from the night before’s uncertainty
Sitting stoically on your couch
Pet a cat, sip from a mug of tea,
When I think to say
I never meant to exclude you.
I never meant to stay so long.
And when the night was over,
I know, I felt it too.
I’m sorry.
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10. |
Unwoven Wool
02:51
|
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Woven wool, unwoven wool
Unravelling before my eyes
It used to keep my shoulders warm
But now it seems to have broken down
To nothing
At all
Greys and blacks and neutral tones
My shawl is not a shawl anymore
Days, months go by
And I’m sitting idle on the floor
Systematic network of a thousand tiny people
All dismantled, methodically
Confined to live in tiny homes
With tiny little problems
And the people lose their minds
Greys and blacks and neutral tones
My home is not a home anymore
Shouting to the void for some relief
And denied
Greys and blacks and neutral tones
Through rainbow coloured spectacles above
We’ll have to keep our shoulders warm
Through unfamiliar methods all alone
Greys and blacks and neutral tones
With sunset coloured dreams
Greys and blacks and neutral tones
And blacks and greys and greens
|
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